Rome, 22 Augustus 454 – There is no cause for alarm in the current world situation, according to Imperial Spokesman Plentius Fabricus. The barbarian raiders harassing our borders are a nuisance, but not a serious threat to the Empire, Fabricus declared.

Claims that the Empire is unsound are “balderdash,” Fabricus said. “Just over three years ago, our valiant legions defeated the impudent invasion by Attila and his terrorists.

“Attila, we have recently learned, is now dead, and there is no serious possibility of any of the other Germanic tribes producing a leader who could pose a comparable threat to our rule.”

The Imperial Spokesman was disparaging of the news media, which he said seemed to thrive on pessimism. There was no real threat to the Empire for the next CCC or even D years.

“What the pessimists don’t realize,” Fabricus concluded, “is that the Roman Empire is just too big to fail.”