(Rooters agency analysis) – It is probably a sign of the declining influence of religion in the nation’s life that a recent Biblical reference by a prominent politician has left many Americans scratching their heads and wondering what he was talking about.
The remark by Governor Romp Desadist, who is challenging Ronald Dump for the position of Once and Forever President, came in response to an unfortunate incident on a New York City subway train, after which police eventually arrested the participant in the incident who was still alive. Governor Desadist went on record saying that this arrestee should be regarded as a “good Samaritan,” and the dead participant should have been the one arrested.
Clearly, the Governor had momentarily forgotten his frequent warning that “woke” educators have destroyed widespread public knowledge of Scriptures, where the story of the good Samaritan occurs. To help puzzled readers, Rooters asked for an explanation of the Biblical story from Professor Increase B. Thumper, Spiritual Guidance Counselor, CEO, and CFO of Real True Gospel University™.
Professor Thumper told Rooters that the Biblical story was about a homeless potential danger on a public road (“the Biblical equivalent of a subway”), who unjustifiably threatened passers-by by looking poor and homeless. Most travelers simply avoided him, but not the good Samaritan.
Samaritans, Professor Thumper explained, are the name the Bible attaches to virtuous people, so that you can always know that whatever a Samaritan does is behavior you should imitate. In the Biblical story, the good Samaritan tackled, held down, and squeezed the neck of the dangerous public nuisance until he stopped moving, or breathing, and for a few more minutes after that, just in case.
“I don’t know what happened in New York,” Professor Thumper concluded, “but I’m sure that Governor Desadist wouldn’t misrepresent any lesson from the Scriptures.”