NEW HAMPSHIRE (Rooters agency) – To the surprise of at least some of the devout, Brian Wrinkly did not do at all well in this state’s Republican primary ballot. After receiving 0.7 percent of the votes in Iowa’s caucus a week earlier, Wrinkly managed only 0.1 percent in New Hampshire.

A pastor who founded his own church and a wealthy businessman (in finance), over the last nine months Wrinkly has spent millions of dollars of his own money on his presidential campaign. Some people might regard that money as wasted, but Wrinkly believes he is operating on divine instructions.

“God spoke to me many years ago about this,” he says. “It became increasingly clear that He had a message for our country,” and that message involved Wrinkly winning a presidential election.

The lack of success so far in Wrinkly’s campaign raises some possibly knotty theological questions. Since God is known to be a registered Republican, it is hard to understand why He is not offering more visible support for His anointed candidate, and also to comprehend why the other candidates, whose piety cannot be doubted, do not stand aside and endorse Wrinkly.

Seeking answers to such questions, Rooters addressed the campaign office of Once and Always President Ronald Dump. Why, we asked, did Dump not pay more attention to the views of fellow Republican God?

The O&AP replied on his own social medium, Brutal Antisocial: “That guy? He’s no Republican. When it comes to gods in this party, THERE’S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE OF US.”