WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – Analysts and politicians on both sides of the Atlantic are scrambling to discern the full meaning of the just concluded First Best Ever Special Relationship Summit.
It is generally agreed that the two summiteers – Ronald Dump, President of the United States, and Bro Jejune, Prime Minister of the Barely United Kingdom – both enjoyed themselves.
But as regards the two leaders’ mutual understanding, analysts express two conflicting views. One group says that the two leaders did not understand each other, and this fact is worrying. The other group says the leaders did not understand each other, and that this is probably fortunate.
The misunderstandings were many. Emblematic were the conflicting accounts of the state dinner, catered by MIC Burger, held on the night of PM Jejune’s arrival. White House Press Secretary Peaceful Gruesome told journalists that President Dump was the winner of the “friendly arm-wrestling contest” between the two leaders, while the BUK embassy reported that PM Jejune had won.
US Attorney General Woolly Barf has said he will appoint a special prosecutor to interview witnesses at the state dinner and determine who, if anyone, is telling the truth.
Other misunderstandings may not be so easily settled, particularly on the trade negotiations, which reportedly occupied several minutes of the two-day summit.
President Dump told several reporters in the White House Toad Garden, “It was the bigliest America First trade negotiation in history, WONDERFUL RESULTS for Americans. [The President has been taking voice lessons and has learned to speak in ALL CAPS that match his tweets.]
“Bro Jejune is very, very, very SMART, almost as SMART as ME and has agreed to buy lots of chickens and chlorine from American farmers and to sell British’s socialized doctors to a wonderful American pharmaceutical company, Opioid Condor.”
Back in London, PM Jejune gave a different account to parliamentarians, delivered via Twitter because Parliament has been prorogued ad Kalendas Graecas. The PM said President Dump had agreed to enter into “a multi-pronged and multi-dude bilateral free trade agreement with no backstop.” Economists and linguists are trying to determine whether this means the US joining the EU, or the abolition of the WTO.