President pulls US out of United Nations

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – As had been frequently foreshadowed, President Ronald Dump today announced that the United States was withdrawing from the United Nations.

“It’s a bad deal for America. Huge bad deal for America. And New York. I am President of New York, not President of United Nations,” the President declared in the White House toad garden, before flying off for a week at his Florida resort, Mainly Loco.

Influential figures in the Administration including Blazes Banshee, the Chief Rasputin, and counselor Kelly Anna Conda are well known as geography skeptics and accuse the UN of promoting “the unproven speculation that the world is round.” Batshit News, formerly headed by Mr Banshee, frequently runs articles by correspondents from the southern hemisphere with the theme, “The UN Round Worlders say I’m upside down, so how come I haven’t fallen off?”

During his campaign for the Presidency, Mr Dump several times accused the UN of “promoting a view that belittles America Grate Again.” He expressed particular outrage at the UN emblem: “That’s not what the world looks like. North America is bigger than South America.

  UN emblem, which President says “belittles” North America.

“And Africa. Much too big. Trying to make Americans feel small. But I have great hands.”

Another complaint against the UN has been raised by Attorney General Jeff Balderdash Symptoms, who says it allows too many “illegal travelers” into the US.

However, the President indicated that the United States could rejoin the UN if its founding treaty was renegotiated. “The UN needs a fair treaty that’s fair to America. All those little countries shouldn’t have as many votes as we do. Andrew Jackson never supported giving all those people an equal vote.”

After the US withdrawal, the UN is expected to move its headquarters, perhaps to Geneva. According to an anonymous Administration source-in-law, the existing headquarters building will be converted into luxury apartments under the name Dump’s Dump NYC. Several Middle Eastern governments have already paid holding deposits.

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